Song of the Berserker
by Lord Talon
Summary: Asuka left Japan after a runin with her worst fear. Now, a tragic occurance brings her back to face her demons...
1. Chapter 1: A Song of Pain

Songs of the Berserker

Chapter 1: A Song of Pain

Wachendorf, Bavaria, Germany.

"Hmm, synch levels are at fifty percent," the tech called out to the redhead that was staring at the display screen that showed the face of a young blonde girl sitting within a small enclosed chamber.

"That's a three percent increase over last week's test," the redhead mumbled to herself. "Not a bad increase, but I've seen better. Bring up her progression levels on the screen, Aaron," she said to the tech. She smiled as he rushed to comply, not wishing to incur her wrath. After eighteen months of working with this crew, she could still induce gut wrenching fear but with a single glance. She felt slightly ashamed of herself at how powerful and good that made her feel. The only time she regretted acting that way was back in Tokyo Three, with….

_"Nein"_ she thought angrily to herself "_Quit it!"_

"Doctor, are you alright? You seem kind of pale.." Aaron asked as he looked back at her. "Is there anything wrong with Elsa's scores?" he asked with a trace of worry in his voice. The crew knew how he felt about Elsa, taking her under his wing like a big brother would. After her family and his were both killed in the same terrorist attack in Berlin, they kind of adopted each other. Asuka thought it was cute. Kind of like the way she and Misato and Sh….

_"Nein, nein, nein, NEIN!!"_ she screamed at herself , mentally slapping herself in the face to remove the references and images that threatened to overwhelm her soul. She shook herself and forced herself to think of the here and now.

"Huh? Of course I'm alright, idiot!," she growled back at him, watching him cower slightly at his console. "Do you have the readings or not?" Asuka grabbed the back of his chair and leaned over to stare at the screen before her. Aaron shuddered at being so close to the Red Headed Demon, one wrong movement would mean instant death, if he was lucky!

"Hmm, not bad, not bad at all!" she said as she stood back up and keyed in the mike that would allow her to speak to Elsa. "Good job, Elsa! While not as good as mine, if you keep up this pace you may soon be able to pass that idiot Shin…"

"_Gott in Himmel!"_ she cried out in her head as tears poured down the face of her mental image. _"This has got to stop! How many times a day do I have think about that idiot?!"_

"Shinji Ikari?!!" the young blonde gasped as her eyes popped open, a look of pure joy plastered on her innocent face "Really? Wow! I would give anything to be even close to his level, Asuka! He's the best !" Elsa seemed to actually_ swoon_ within the entry plug.

"Mein Gott! Not another fan?!" Asuka said incredulously as she watched to young girl on the screen carry on and on about her favorite pilot. "Calm down, Elsa! The tests are over! Get cleaned up and report for debriefing as soon as possible. And leave your blasted hero worship in the locker room with your plug suit!" She watched the fourteen year old blanch as she realized that, somewhere along the line, she wakened the Red Headed Demon. "Lieutenant Seitz! Page me when she is done! I need some fresh air!"

"Yes ma'am!" Aaron called back as Asuka spun on her heel and stormed out the door. He wondered how anyone so many years younger than himself could instill such fear and loathing in full grown adults. Not even eighteen, a doctor, and one of the highest ranking members of NERV. Only four others in NERV ranked higher than her, and the very mention of one of those seemed to be enough to drive her to kill anyone within arm reach.

"Did I say something wrong?" Elsa asked as she sat in her entry plug, worry and fear clearly showing on her face, even through the LCL.

"Well, you did bring up her favorite subject just now," Aaron, reminded her as realization dawned on her face.

"Oh, no! I guess I'll be late getting home tonight, Aaron. I'm sorry"

"It's alright sis, I'll have dinner and bandages ready for you when you get home," he smiled warmly, only half joking about the last part. It was going to be a long day.

"_Idiots! Just a bunch of stupid idiots!"_ she thought furiously to herself as she stormed down the halls leading toward the exit that would allow her to leave the underground facility and stand once more in the clean German countryside._ "They have no idea what he is really like! Weak! Pathetic! Spineless! Pervert! Jerk! Jackass! That blasted Ikari! Why did he…? Why did he…?"_

She opened the door and stepped out into the forest overlooking a small pond. The weather was beginning to change, as a cool breeze blew from the north and sent shivers running up her spine. She knew that in a month or so, the pond would freeze over and the villagers would come out and skate, and have family outings, or young people would come out and start pairing up, looking deeply in each others eyes, feeling the warmth of being with one another…..

"God!" she cried, as tears tried to force their way out of her eyes. "why can't I just forget? Why must I think of him twenty times a day? He's just an idiot! He ruined everything!" Birds startled and took flight as she ranted toward the empty sky.

"_Stupid Shinji!"_ she thought, "_He ruined everything! What he did was unforgivable! Unforgivable!!"_ She looked down toward the ground, trying to force the memories back into the tightly sealed vault of her mind where they belonged. It took some doing, but she finally got herself back to some state of normality when the phone in her pocket buzzed. "_I guess Elsa is ready, that was quicker than I thought it would be. I must have really scared the hell out of her!"_

"Hello, Doctor Soryu here," she answered as she placed the red cell to her ear. "Is Elsa ready for an ass-chewing?"

"Hello, Asuka," the voice on the other end of the phone was not the one she expected, "how are you?"

"Misato? How are you?" Asuka asked as she wondered what her superior was doing calling her today. Her report on Elsa and Unit Eight were not due for another week or so.

"Asuka, I ..uh.." Misato began, then faltered, emotion threatening her voice. Asuke hadn't heard her sound like this in a long time. It worried her.

"Is everything alright, Misato? You don't sound like yourself. Pen-Pen run off to another roommate or something?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood somewhat. She didn't like what she was feeling from her friend. Something was very, very wrong.

"I, uh, well, we had another Angel attack a couple of weeks ago, as I'm sure you know."

"I know," Asuka affirmed, having read the mission report just yesterday, Curiously, it left several items out that normal would have been prevalent. "It was defeated, correct? Were there many casualties? The report left a few things out."

"Uh, yeah, the Angel was defeated, but it was a hard fight," Misato replied. "There was a lot of damage to the city, but that has been cleaned up already and repairs have started. Most of the civilians have gone back to their homes."

"Well, what's the matter? Are the EVA's okay? What about the pilots?" Asuka asked, her heart catching just a bit when she thought about a certain pilot. She had to quit thinking about it.

"The EVA's are all functional, only one of them sustained any damage. In fact, it was the only one we could launch at the time," Misato said, barely audible, as a small sob escaped. Asuka heard voices in the background comforting Misato. A fear gripped Asuka like she had never known before, even back in the days when the Fifteenth attacked her, and when she was in the coma. Her heart felt like it was about to shrivel and die.

"Misato, what happened? Please don't tell me…."she pleaded as tears formed and threatened to flow down her face.

"Asuka, I'm sorry, but it's Shinji. He's, he's.. Oh God! Asuka! Are you there? Asuka?"

Doctor Asuka Langley Soryu, Pilot of EVA Unit Two and the Red Headed Demon herself, didn't hear Misato's cries. The phone was laying on the grass beside Asuka, dropped as shock and dread and…something else… gnawed it's way through Asuka's heart. Falling to her knees, tears that had been suppressed for the last eighteen months freely flowed as she stared up at the sky and begged to God, who she was always afraid wasn't there, or at least ignored her pleas.

"Oh, God! No! Not Shinji! You can't have him yet!"

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Tokyo-3, Japan. The next day.

Asuka stood nervously as she waited for Major Misato Katsuragi to pick her up from the airport. She had sworn to herself she would never set foot in the city again, after what happened. A warm breeze flowed along the sidewalk, threatening to flip her dress up much like the time she first met…first met…

"_Not now, not here,"_ she chided herself as she felt the tears form once more. She had cried more in the last twenty four hours than she had in the last year and a half. "_It's that stupid Shin…Oh God, stop it! I can't do this anymore"_ she thought, her heart feeling like a lump of lead threatening to tear from her chest and plunge into the fiery depths of Hell.

"If I start now, my makeup will be ruined," she said to the empty air, trying to bring up the bravado that served her so well in the past. It was a pathetic attempt at best. She was saved as a long black car pulled up.

"Doctor Soryu, please come with us. Commander Katsuragi sends her regrets she could not pick you up personally, but she was unable to leave HQ today," stated a large smartly dressed man in sunglasses as he picked up her bags a placed them in the trunk. It was obvious to Asuka that he was a member of Section 2.

"Commander Katsuragi?" she asked, thinking the man had gotten Misato's rank wrong. Fuyutsuki was the Commander of NERV, since Gendo Ikari had been arrested on charges of genocide. Had there been another shakeup?

"Commander Fuyutsuki retired last month, Katsuragi was the obvious choice to replace him," the Section Two man told her at the obvious look of confusion on her face. "The Commander said you don't stay in contact very often, seeing how you're in charge of producing the latest series of EVA's and pilots. I'm impressed!" the man said as he helped her into the car, leering at her the whole time.

"_Great, I'm stuck in this car with a jerk who sees me as sex object! Now, he'll probably try to make small talk or flirt all the way to the GeoFront!_" she grimaced as he started up the car and pulled away from the curb. At the first sign of small talk, she informed him that she wasn't interested, and if he continued to press his luck, he would lose his manhood and his job. He remained silent the remainder of the trip.

"Hello, Asuka," Misato greeted her as the young redhead entered her office. Asuka was stunned to see how haggard and worn her old roommate and friend looked. A weak smile was plastered on her face, completely unconvincing.

"Hello, Misato. How are you?" Asuka asked the older woman, trying to get the lump that had suddenly developed in her throat to go away. "How is…how is…" That was as far as she could get before her resolve vanished. Her blue eyes clouded once more as the tears overwhelmed her defenses and freely flowed down her pale cheeks. "Oh, Misato…" the teenager sobbed as her friend rushed over and wrapped her up in a massive hug, shedding just as many tears.

"It's okay, Asuka, Shinji is…" Misato tried to comfort her friend, but became wracked by sobs herself as they both fell to their knees and held on to one another. After about fifteen minutes or so, two of the most powerful women on the planet regained their composure and got up off their knees.

"Shinji is alive," Misato said, wiping her eyes and offering Asuka some tissue as the two of them sat at Misato's desk, "but…"

"But what, Misato?" asked Asuka pleadingly, "What has happened to my Shin…er…the pilot of Unit One?" Misato's eyes widened a bit at Asuka's slip, but said nothing of it as she continued.

"When the battle with the Angels was over, we had to cut Shinji from Unit One…" Misato continued, but Asuka's outburst took her by surprise.

"Angels?! How many of the damn things did he fight by himself?! I thought it was just one Angel! Where the hell was Rei? Or Touji? Where were the other three I sent here?!"

"Asuka! Calm down!" Misato snapped back as the younger woman shot daggers in her direction, then relaxed a bit and became the worried and heartbroken teenager that had walked into her office.

"Misato, I'm…I'm sorry" she apologized as Misato sat back with a sad little smile on her face.

"You sound like Shinji," Misato teased, as Asuka looked back at her, a little shocked. A small giggle escaped her lips, as she and Misato shared a little laugh. It helped to break the tension somewhat, as Misato continued on with the briefing. "Anyway, when we cut Shinji out of his EVA, he wasn't conscious. He was pretty beat up, but not enough to explain this. Asuka, Shinji is in a coma, much like the one you were in."

Asuka's breath caught, "A coma? How…how bad is it? What is his EEG like?" Asuka was intimately familiar with comas, seeing how she spent three months in one. The only good that came of that was seeing Shinji sitting there beside her. He was the first thing she saw at her rebirth.

"Well, according to the neurologist, Shinji shows no sign of brain damage. In fact, his brain doesn't seem to be shut down at all, but completely the opposite. It's like his brain is going full speed, not slowing down or even trying to rest."

"I understand what that is like," Asuka said softly as she imagined the hell Shinji was going through. The tears started again as a thought flashed through her mind. "Misato, why did you call me? Just to put me through all this? You know my doctorate is in cybernetics and biomechanical interfaces! I can't help him! How could you, Misato?!"

"It's still all about you, Asuka?" Misato asked incredulously, "I CALLED you because I THOUGHT you cared about SHINJI! I called you because you and Shinji once shared something special! If I had known this would have been your reaction, I would not have bothered you, Doctor Soryu!" Misato yelled at the wide-eyed redhead, who quickly dissolved into a puddle of sobs and tears. Misato's face lost its hardness, and her heart went out to the stricken seventeen year old. Even though the redhead was a doctor, an EVA pilot, and one of the most powerful people on the planet, she was still just a love stricken, heartbroken teenager.

"Asuka," Misato started as she came around the desk and knelt down beside the pilot, "What happened between you and Shinji? What could have been so terrible that it drove you to Germany and out of our lives?" Silent tears streamed down Misato's cheeks. Asuka continued to be wracked with sobs as Misato reached around and hugged her surrogate daughter. It killed her to see Asuka in so much pain. _"It had to be something horrible"_ she thought.

"He,…he did something…" Asuka started, sobbing.

"Shinji did something?" Misato asked, cringing internally at the thought.

"Something horrible…" the redhead tried to continue.

"What did he do, Asuka?" Misato probed, not ready to believe that Shinji could do anything horrible, but equally dreading the answer.

"Inexcusable…"

"What, Asuka?"

"Unforgivable!"

"WHAT?! What did Shinji do?" Misato asked, exasperated. She did not want to believe one of her children could harm the other.

"I can't tell you, Misato!" cried the girl between sobs, "You'll end up hating me as much as Shinji does!"

"Shinji? Hate you?" Misato asked incredibly as she stood up, looking at Asuka with a stunned expression. "How in hell can you think Shinji hates you? Now as your mother, your friend, and your commander, I'm ordering you to tell me what Shinji did!"

Asuka felt a brief flash of warmth as Misato spoke. It made her feel good that Misato considered herself as her mother. Misato was the first person Asuka felt a parent-child bond with since her mother. Her father and stepmother were distant to her, and she barely mourned when they both died in a car accident on the Autobahn. Asuka knew that all too soon, the feelings that Misato had for her would vanish, as soon as she complied with Misato's order. Releasing a sigh, Asuka gave in to Misato's wishes.

"He…he said he loved me," she said, eyes downcast, head bowed, in a voice so soft Misato almost missed it.

"He what?" asked Misato, not believing her ears.

"He said he loved me. That he had always loved me."

Misato's eyes widened as she dropped into her chair behind her desk. Having read and become intimately familiar with Asuka's psych profile, she understood what had happened. In Asuka's mind, if anyone loved her, they would then leave and hurt her. So, Asuka always put up walls and barriers between herself and others. In the time she and Shinji had spent together, the walls had slowly come down, revealing a scared girl who craved attention and love, but feared losing it. Shinji had seen through her barriers as soon as they met, and had fallen in love with the girl Asuka truly was.

"Oh, Asuka," sighed Misato sadly, "Shinji bared his soul to you…"

"And I ran away! I stomped his heart into the dirt!" Asuka screamed, "Shinji was brave, he didn't run away! He stayed! He fought the Angels! I always called him names he didn't deserve, treated him like crap when he treated me like a princess!"

"He got hurt, and it's all my fault," she said in a scared little girl's voice, "I should have been here to protect him."

"Shinji getting hurt wasn't your fault, Asuka," Misato consoled her, "but to answer some of your previous questions: Shinji had stayed home from school that day. He wasn't feeling very well. All the other pilots were in class when the Angel attacked. Due to the Angel's nature, the others could not reach HQ from the school. Shinji didn't hesitate, he launched alone."

"Due to the Angel's nature?" Asuka asked, a puzzled look on her face, "What the hell does that mean? And what was wrong with Shinji? Could his illness have something to do with his condition right now?"

"Uh, well, in a way, probably." Misato stammered a bit as she tried her best to answer. "He was a bit…depressed, it was an anniversary of a sorts. It had been exactly six months since he had any contact with you, whatsoever."

"Six months? But I've been gone from Japan for a year and a half, and I haven't spoken to Shinji since that last night, just before I left," Asuka stated, wondering what was going on.

"Not that you may remember, Asuka," Misato said a little tersely, surprising the doctor, before she relaxed. "It was on your seventeenth birthday, and he called to talk to you and wish you a Happy Birthday."

"My birthday?" mused Asuka, "I don't remember him calling. I spent most of that day trying to work out some rejection problems with Unit Six. I had just gotten my doctorate, and I wanted to show that I was just as good and dedicated as Doctor Akagi. I had pulled an all nighter, but I was able to clear up the bug. I remember, when I got home, my phone was ringing off the hook."

Sighing, Asuka continued, "I was tired, my nerves were shot, and I was a little pissed that nobody had remembered my birthday. It was my seventeenth, after all, and after what happened on my sixteenth I wanted it to be special, no matter how much I tried to shrug it off. So I took it out on the phone. I picked it up…and…Oh, no…"

"Yep," Misato said, guessing what her friend had discovered. "It was Shinji. I don't know what you had said to him, but it must have made one hell of an impression. He turned as white as a sheet, put the phone down and retreated to his room. He didn't come out for a week, unless it was to go to the bathroom. I had to shove his food through the door."

"When he finally came out he was…different," Misato said, refusing to look Asuka in the eye. "His eyes looked, well, for lack of a better word, dead. Unless it was time to fight, then his eyes would blaze with an inhuman fire, like he was ready to take all his rage out on whatever was in his sights. Trust me, you did not want to be in his way. It made you feel cold, like Death was staring right at you."

"My…my Shinji?" whimpered Asuka, "My sweet Shinji? What have I done?"

"Our sweet Shinji," Misato corrected, "Remember, he is my child. You do know I adopted him not long after you left, after his father was executed."

"You did?" Asuka asked, "You did that for my Shinji?" A small tear slid down Misato's cheek as she replied.

"I was going to do the same for you, Asuka, but you made it clear that you wished to have nothing to do with us when you left," Misato replied sadly.

Asuka could have sworn she couldn't feel any lower than she had before, but she was wrong. "You wanted to be my…Momma? Misato, I don't know what to say…" fresh tears and sobs erupted from the hurt teenager. "I'm so sorry…"

"Whatever happened to Shinji, well, it didn't please me too much. I was very angry with you for a long time, Asuka," Misato stated, looking her square in the eye.

Asuka couldn't meet her gaze and looked at her hands in her lap, "I wondered why you had become so distant…"

"It's okay, Asuka, I've forgiven you," Misato replied, "I just hope you can forgive me for helping drive you away."

"What?" asked the girl, "How did you drive me away? I told you what happened."

"I know," the older woman answered, "but you see, I loved you, too. I still love you as the daughter I've never had."

Asuka nodded her head in understanding. She had left Shinji because he had dared to love her. She had left Misato because she had loved her. She left her friends because they loved her. To Asuka, anytime anyone loved her, they hurt and left her, and she had decided to leave before she could get hurt. All that did was make it worse.

"I'm sorry, Misato! I'm so, so sorry! I never wanted to hurt you, or Shinji, it's just…" she cried as Misato came around, stood her up and wrapped her up once more into an all encompassing hug. The young pilot cried into Misato's shoulder, her body wracked in sobs. All the years of pain and loneliness had built up, and now finally had a erupted in a show of emotion that would have horrified Asuka in time past. That didn't matter to her any more. "I'm so sorry, please forgive me! I'm sorry…m…m…momma!"

Misato stiffed a bit with shock at what Asuka had called her, but her heart melted as she stroked Asuka's hair. "It's okay, Asuka. My Asuka. It's alright." Misato then took Asuka by her arms and held her at arm's length and looking straight into her sky blue eyes. "But now, you need to make it okay with Shinji." Asuka looked at her with guilt ridden eyes. "Which brings me to why I called you."

Misato clicked a button on her desk, and the lights in the room dimmed while a wall behind the desk brought up images from Unit One's battleROM, as well as footage from cameras placed throughout Tokyo-Three.

"Mein Gott!" exclaimed Asuka as she caught her first sight of the Angel Shinji fought. "My Shinji had to fight that…that…monstrosity?!"

"Yes," Misato sighed, "That, and so much more…"

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Tokyo-3, Japan. Two weeks ago.

The Beast was immense, larger and more grotesque than any other previous Angel. It was the color of death, or that of the pale horse Death rides upon, at the very least. Seven huge heads sat upon seven serpentine necks, each head covered in a crown of horns, sporting three eyes per head. Seated deep within each thorny crown was a S2 organ, glowing bright red even in the afternoon sun. Venom dripped from black fangs that protruded from wide mouths. Fourteen tentacles sprang from the torso and surrounded the Beast, as fourteen legs sprouted from it's nether regions and supported the huge weight of the Angel. Seven sets of wings grew from the back of the Beast, feathered like a bird's, but colored like rot and death. Seven diamond shaped jewels sparkled in the sun, seemingly out of place in the hellish landscape in which they rested.

This was the Beast. This was Shiva, or Shaitain. This was Tiamat, the Chaos Bringer of Old. This was the Angel of Darkness.

Between this Dark Angel and the city where he and his loved ones lived, stood one heart broken boy, a weapon spawned from a monster and clad in purple armour, and the soul of a mother to fuse the two into a cohesive whole.

"Shinji, please be careful!" Misato's strained voice filtered through the bath of LCL that surrounded him, "The readings for this thing are off the scale!"

"This thing is fucking huge!" exclaimed Shinji as he sized up him opponent. "Misato, this thing has SEVEN S2 organs! What the hell is going on here?"

"_An appropriate use of term if there ever was any,"_ Misato thought to herself. "See if you can lure it out of the city and to the other side of the mountain. Once you are there, cut loose with everything you have. We'll try to send up a few N2 mines to help!"

"Is Caliburn ready?" the pilot asked as he readied his nerves and prepped his EVA for battle.

"It's in Armament Building 12C. It'll be just off to your left." Misato replied as she thought of the huge weapon housed close by. Evangelions are bad enough, but the thought of THAT weapon in Unit One's hands scared even her. "Shinji, please be careful!"

"Yes, Mom!" replied Shinji, bringing a smile to his adoptive mother's face. The screen blacked out as he readied himself for battle. "Well, Mother, are you ready?" Shinji asked, as a reassuring caress touched his mind, giving him an answer. His dark blue eyes turned a steel gray as a feral grin covered his face. Taking a deep breath, he ran toward the Angel, screaming at the top of his voice.

"Come on, you son of a bitch!! Show me what you're made of!!" he screamed as he pushed his EVA faster than anything that large had any right to move. "Caliburn, to me!" he ordered as he rushed past the armament building in a flash. The front of the building exploded outward as a sword the likes of which no one had ever imagined sprang forth and flew into Unit One's extended hand. Pure white flames erupted along the blade as the Sword of Heaven ignited in all it's glory.

Within the space of a heartbeat, Unit One had crossed the space separating it and the Angel and in one graceful, fluid movement, nearly severed the closest head of the grotesque being. The Angel howled in pain and shock, never suspecting that it's opponent could hurt it so. Slowly, the damaged head started to reattach itself, but the Angel had no time to recuperate as Shinji hurled his progressive knife right into the middle eye of the next head. The Angel tried in vain to erect it's A-T field as Unit One and her berserk pilot continued to slice, kick, stab and pummel the Beast.

Before he had realized it, Shinji had forced the Beast out of the city and to the top of the closest mountain, as fountains of the Angel's blood poured from a thousand wounds, covering Unit One and the countryside in crimson.

"You bastard!" Shinji screamed, "Die already!" Once more, Caliburn did it's best to bisect the creature. "I have to defeat you! I have to defeat you all! I have to prove I'm worthy to love her! I have to prove worthy to be loved!"

"_Shinji, you are worthy," _Asuka thought to herself as she watched the carnage unfold, "_ I'm the one not worthy. God, what has happened to you?"_

"Only after I slay every one of you fucking things will Asuka come back! So die, fucker! DIE!!!" he bellowed as he forced the Beast over the top and down the opposite side of the mountain. The Beast came to a rest at the bottom of the valley just beyond.

"Shinji! Clear out now!" screamed Misato over the link. Before the last word had left her mouth, Shinji and his steed had leapt clear of the Angel and back over the top of the mountain. Half a second later, three N2 mines detonated directly under the Beast, causing it to vanish in a storm of light like that of a dying star.

EVA Unit One stood upon the mountain top, it's sword still blazing and held in both hands. EVA was covered in the blood of the Angel, looking for all intents and purposes like a vengeful demon from the abyss.

"What the hell?" shouted Shinji as a series of impacts jolted him and his EVA. Looking around, he saw seven black shapeless masses writhing on the ground, surrounding his EVA. Within the blink of an eye, each had reformed into a smaller, less grotesque version of the original. Each had but a single head, as well as a single set of tentacles, legs and wings. More ominously, each had a single blue jewel implanted squarely in it's chest, seemingly none the worse for wear.

Shinji's screams of pain cut Asuka to the core as she watched a blue bolt of lightning reach out from the jewel of one mini-Angel and strike Unit One directly in the head. The other six joined in, loosing identical bolts, striking Unit One exactly were the first had. Shinji's screams grew worse as the Angels started walking in a circle around Unit One. Asuka could make out one thing that Shinji said through the Screams of pain.

"GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!"

Asuka froze in terror as she realized what was happening, the same that had happened to her when the fifteenth Angel had attacked her: Shinji was being mind-raped. The Angels' mouths seemed to grin in glee at the pain they had wrought. "My poor, poor Shinji," Asuka whispered as she watched the horrifying footage, "I should have been by your side…"

She watched as the EVA dropped it's sword and grabbed it's head with both hands as the Angels continued their Dance of Pain. Then, she heard the Sound. It was a sound unlike anything natural in this world, one she had only heard a few times before. It made her cringe every time.

"Berserker," Asuka gasped, as the eyes of Unit One turned blood red. Opening it's mouth, the monster roared it's defiance at the Angels, and in a move almost too fast for the human eye to see, it knelt down, picked up it's sword, and went to work

The scene was too much to take, but Asuka watched none the less, as the anger of a mother protecting her child and the rage of a man who had lost his heart tore into the Angels with a vengeance. A sight of such carnage had never before been seen by this world. The EVA's rage was so thick that it could be seen, much like the waves of heat can be seen rising from the asphalt on a hot summer's day.

When it was finished, the Angels had been torn to shreds, as pools of blood and gore gathered in low spots along the side of the mountain. Their S2 organs were shattered and useless, lying dull and lifeless along the decimated countryside. EVA Unit One stood, covered in blood, both it's own and that of the Angels, and continued to roar it's rage into the slowly darkening sky.

Asuka froze in her seat, her eyes wide in terror and dismay, at what she heard next. The EVA opened it's huge mouth once more, stared straight up at the heavens, and cried out in a VOICE that was oddly familiar.

"ASUKA!!! WHY? WHY?! WHYYYYYYYY!!!!!!" With that, Unit One shut down, it's power and rage spent. It collapsed into the trees that lived on the mountain and had survived the attack.

"Oh…my…God! Shinji!" the young woman cried out as her foster mother rushed to her side to hold her.

End of Chapter One.


	2. Chapter 2:A Song of Regret

Chapter Two: A Song of Regret

Asuka had told Misato that she did have one more thing she needed to do before going to see Shinji. Misato screwed her face up a bit before understanding dawned upon her face. Asuka now stood on the catwalk that ran the length of the EVA bays, right at head level of Unit Two. She gazed up at the huge beast, looking into the four huge eyes that hadn't shown any signs of life in close to two years.

"H…hello, mother," she said as she reached out over the rail and gently laid her hand on the side of the EVA's face. She felt a small vibration coming from the long dormant Unit. "I'm, uh, I'm sorry I've been gone for so long, " she started, then her defense mechanism kicked in. "But you know how it is, being a world famous scientist, one of the leaders of NERV, and the wildest fantasy of guys and pervs the world over! A girl just doesn't have the time to drop everything and come back to this dump!" The vibration vanished, Asuka had taken it too far.

"Oh god! No! I'm sorry!" Asuka cried out as she felt her mother slipping away, "Please come back!" The vibration returned, all be it not as powerful as before. "The truth is…I was scared and I ran away, just like Shin.." she broke into a sob before continuing, "Uh, like Shinji used to."

Asuka looked down at her shoes, unable to hold the eyes of the slumbering war machine. "I never realized what had happened to you until I was finally able to find and read the files. I…I hated you for so long!" she sniffed a bit, trying to keep the tears from starting again. " I thought that you had abandoned me! All of your attention was on that stupid doll! You kept calling her by my name, and calling me 'that girl'. Gott, it hurt so much." she whispered, She gasped a bit as the vibration increased and the armour grew a bit warmer under her touch. "And when I walked in and saw you…saw you…well, I understand now that it wasn't you, not the real you," Asuka looked up as a small smile grew on her face.

Shrugging her shoulders, she continued on, "Who knows? Maybe, someday in the future, we might go back outside and play again! Would you like that, Momma?" Asuka's voice took on a tone that had missing for many years now, the tone of a child trying to please her mother. She smiled and, removing her hand, walked further down the catwalk. She just missed seeing a warm glow begin to show in the eyes of the dormant Evangelion.

"Hello, Unit One," Asuka said as she stopped before the face of the purple clad giant. "I'm not even sure you will respond to me, but…" That was all the girl managed to get out before the eyes of Unit One came alive, flashing with a brilliant white light, tinged with red at the edges.

"Oh! I…I guess you can respond," she replied in a quavering voice. "_This isn't good,"_ Asuka thought to herself, fearing the EVA would reactivate at any second and squash her like the insignificant bug she felt like she was.

"I…uh…well…I guess you know who I am, and you probably know how Shinji feels about me," Asuka started, nervousness steadily creeping into her heart and mind. It was a feeling she hated, but one she had always kept hidden from others. "Of course you do, Shinji synchs up with you every time her pilots you, I'm an idiot!" she sighed, slapping herself silly in her head.

"Please, I didn't mean to hurt Shinji, I was scared! He got closer to me than anyone else ever had, and when I thought that I may lose him one day…well, I couldn't handle it!" The eyes flashed once more, a little more red this time. Asuka gulped as she wrapped her arms around herself again, subconsciously trying to form a wall around herself.

"If…if I could take back all the hurt I caused, all the horrible things I said, I would! If…if I thought dying would help bring him back, I'd ask you to crush me like the worthless thing I am!" The eyes flashed again, however there was no red tint this time. Unit One could understand Asuka was being honest with her. "I'm not worthy of Shinji's love! I…I'm not worthy of any love!" the redhead cried as she shook her head.

"So," she sniffed as she wiped her eyes with a tissue, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and I'll do my best to make things right with Shinji." She turned to leave when something blocked her path, "Oh!"

Asuka had turned around and come face to face with the First Child, Rei Ayanami. Rei looked far different than she had remembered. Her hair now came down pasted her shoulders, but was still the same shade of light blue it had always been. Her eyes were still blood red, but now burned with an inner fire that Asuka had never before seen.

Rei was still pale compared to normal people, but now had more color than before, as if she had finally come out of the dark and into the light for the first time. Even her clothing was different. Instead of her plug suit or her school uniform, Rei was wearing a dark blue dress with sheer sleeves, as well as matching nylons and shoes. Rei looked like she was dressed to kill. The one thing that really surprise Asuka, though, was how angry Rei seemed, her arms locked to her side, fists clinched, and trembling visibly.

"Hello, Rei. How are…OWW!!!" was all Asuka was able to get out as a pale hand slapped her hard on the face. The blow was strong enough to send Asuka to her knees. "Oh! Ow! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?!" demanded a very embarrassed and angry Asuka, as she stumbled back to her feet, eyes wide with shock.

"You hurt him!" Rei said through gritted teeth. Asuka had never seen this amount of emotion from the pale girl before.

"Ooo, whoa, wha…who?" Asuka asked, still a bit woozy from the strike. She never knew Rei had that kind of strength.

"You know who I'm talking about, Doctor Soryu. You hurt my Shinji!" was the response that caused Asuka to go first wide eyed with shock then jaw clenched in anger.

_"HER Shinji?!"_ Asuka thought, as she clinched her own fists, ready to battle Rei. "Excuse me?!" she spat out, "Just what did you just say now, you empty excuse for a human being?!" _"Way to go Asuka"_ she chided herself, _"Do you have to let the bitch out EVERY time?"_

"I said you hurt my Shinji," Rei spat back, rage clear upon her face. Her slender frame trembled with pure anger.

"Aww, does Wondergirl have a thing for that idiot Ikari? Why should I care…" she started to say as a second slap sent her back to her knees. _"Damn"_ she thought on her way to the floor,_ "do I have to be such a bitch all the time? Why can't I treat anyone right?"_

"What is wrong with you, Rei?! If you want Shinji that badly, you can have him," Asuka replied as a large part of her heart wanted to tear itself out of her chest for even suggesting such a thing. Standing once more, Asuka flinched when Rei appeared to be ready to slap her down again. "WAIT! I'm sorry! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"That," Rei said as she took a step back, not trusting herself to be anywhere within arm reach of Asuka, "was for implying anything…inappropriate…between Shinji and myself. The first was for all the pain you caused!"

"I'll ask you again, Rei: why should you care, then? I take it the two of you got…closer…after I left," asked Asuka, rubbing her throbbing cheek and trying to still her dying heart, as the thought of Rei taking her place in Shinji's heart was enough to make her wish Unit One had squashed her after all. "_This is nuts!_" Asuka thought .

"You could say that. After everything that happened, we finally discovered my records that the old bastard had hidden. My 'mother' was Yui Ikari. I was…created… from a mix of her DNA and that of Lilith. I'm a clone of sorts," Rei said sadly, withdrawing just a bit as the thought of her creation disturbed her. "Some modifications were made, but essentially, I'm the daughter of Yui Ikari. That makes Shinji my older brother. So, like I said: My Shinji!" Rei stood there, arms crossed, daring Asuka to smart off again.

"Brother?" Asuka asked incredulously, "You're Shinji's sister? Is that why he always felt a connection to you?"

"He felt a connection…to me?" Rei replied, her eyes a bit wide.

"Of course! Couldn't you tell?" Asuka replied as she stated the obvious, "He even told me that a few times back when …well… it kind of annoyed me a bit. I didn't think you were that dense!"

"If I was dense, then you were the same," Rei shot back, a bit offended by Asuka's tone. "Couldn't you tell how Shinji felt about you all along? Or did it please you to toy around with his feelings?"

"_Wow, I never knew Rei had such spirit,_" Asuka thought to herself as she tried to come up with an answer, "Rei, I'm sorry, but I never knew how he felt until later on, after I came out of my coma. And then he…"

"I know what he did Asuka, he told me the night he called you. He told me everything, all that had happened since you woke up, and everything he had planned. My brother sat on the sofa, trying so hard to 'be a man' and not show his feelings, trying not to cry. I pulled him close to me and held him," Rei said, her eyes clouding at the memory, "He was trying so hard! He didn't want us to think he was a wimp, or weak, or a baby! He was none of those! He was my brother, and he was hurting! I told him it was alright, and he just broke down. He hasn't been the same since," she said sadly.

"Oh," Asuka said softly, "he told you everything?"

"Yes, Asuka, everything. But answer me this: you two dated seriously for a year, didn't that mean anything to you?" Rei said, "Didn't his love mean anything to you? You had his heart, you know. He thought he had yours."

The lump in Asuka's throat returned as she tried to say something, anything, that could make sense. The idea that she had hurt Shinji so badly, even if it was unintentional, broke her heart. At least Shinji had someone to turn to, even if it was his weird mother and even weirder sister. Then a thought struck her.

"Um, Rei, I was just wondering, did Misato adopt you like she did Shinji? Seeing how you are siblings and such," Asuka then cringed when a split second later she wondered if that was the wrong thing to say._ "Is this how everyone felt when they were afraid they had angered me?"_ she wondered, _"I don't like feeling like that!"_ She noticed a small shadow cross over Rei's face.

"You didn't answer my question, Asuka," Rei spoke up after a second, "And I fear that isn't a good sign. Maybe Shinji's just destined to hurt, it seems you didn't love him at all," she added sadly.

"No! You're wrong Rei!" Asuka shouted back at her, "I never wanted Shinji to hurt! I do love…er…did love…oh… you know what I mean!" the redhead shook her head as she tried to admit that which tore her to shreds. Her deepest inner defenses screamed at her to be silent. But it was too late. She hung her head.

"No, I don't," Rei replied, her eyes locking into Asuka's when the redhead looked back up, "Do you? Or did you? Which is it? One answer will heal him, one will doom him. Which shall it be?" The pale girl took a step closer to Asuka. "Shinji loves you, he loved you then, and he loves you now! Do you know that the only time his eyes would light up these long months were when someone mentioned your name? When someone praised your work? When he would remember something you would do, or when his friends talked about how the two of you would act around each other? Do you realized the only other time he ever got that deadly fire in his eyes was when someone at school or NERV would insult you? I saw it, and it scared the hell out of me! It took me, Touji, Hikari, and Kensuke to pull him off that one senior last time! The kid still ended up in the hospital, and Touji damn near had his prosthetic arm pull off!" Rei was shivering at the memory. Asuka was astounded that Rei had actually spoken so many words at once. It was probably more than all the times she had heard Rei speak in the past combined.

"You didn't answer my question either, Rei," Asuka stated softly as the impact of Rei's words continued to pound against the barriers she had half-heartedly tried to erect around herself.

"I know," it was Rei's turn to speak softly, as if dredging up a terrible memory, "Misato did…offer… to adopt me as well. I declined, however. Misato was never around me as much as she was you and Shinji. I didn't want her to force herself to be a mother to me when she clearly wasn't." A small tear slid down a pale cheek, "Besides, I didn't want to feel like a consolation prize, as if she couldn't have the daughter she truly wanted, so she chose a replacement. I don't want to feel like a replacement!"

Asuka understood Rei's feelings about being a replacement. She was, technically, the third Rei. The mind of the previous Rei had been downloaded into a new Rei clone when the second Rei self destructed her EVA to save Shinji, during the attack of the Sixteenth Angel. Rei immediately realized she wasn't the same, and the effect was to help release her from Gendo Ikari's control. _"It must be heart wrenching,"_ Asuka thought, "_thinking that your purpose in life was to be used as a spare part!"_ Much to Asuka's surprise, and to Rei's as well, Asuka reached over and took Rei's hand, the same that had just caused her pain no more than a few moments prior.

"Rei! If I know Misato like I think I do, she asked you because she wanted you in her life, she wanted to be your mother! She didn't offer because she had to!" Wrapping a shocked Rei up in a hug, Asuka continued. "You are NOT a replacement! If Misato asked, it was because she loves you, and I am so, so sorry that I hurt all of you!" She felt Rei actually relaxing a bit and place her arms around Asuka.

"Thank you, Asuka," Rei whispered, "but Shinji still suffers, and there is nothing I can do to help him. Only you can do that."

"I know," the redhead whispered back, "I just don't know how…"

"Yes, you do. But it frightens you," Rei replied.

"Hey Ikari!" a familiar voice called out. Both girls jumped at the sound and turned around to look.

"What? Where?!" Asuka looked around wildly, wide eyed, with hope building in her heart.

"Hey, Rei! Are you ready yet?" the voice called out again. Rei perked up and actually _pranced_ over to the speaker, who turned out to be Kensuke Aida, one of Shinji's best friends. Rei wrapped her arms around Kensuke's neck and planted a big kiss on his silly face.

"Whaaaaaaaaat?!" Asuka gasped out incredulously.

"Oh, the name?" Rei asked as she wrapped her arm around Kensuke's waist, "I took my mother's name, rather than the name that bastard gave me!"

"_That explains part of it"_ though Asuka, "_but Aida?!"_ Closing her gaping mouth, she asked, "Uh, what, er, where are you two going? And just what is Aida doing here at NERV?" She tried her best to pick her jaw up from the ground.

"Is that the Red Headed De…OW! I mean, is that Asuka?" Kensuke called out as Rei elbowed him in the ribs.

"Be nice," She whispered in his ear, as she nibbled a bit on his earlobe.

"_Oh gag,"_ Asuka reeled at the sight. "Who the hell do you think I am, you moron…uh," she retorted until she saw the venomous look Rei was giving her, "Yeah, I'm back. When I heard about Shinji…"

"Yeah, that's rough," Kensuke sighed, "we all took the blow really hard when it happened. Rei and Touji kept blaming themselves for not being there, and the other pilots are all depressed. They think that if that can happen to the senior pilot and their instructor, what chance do they have?" he shook his head sadly.

"Kenny works here now," Rei chimed in, changing the subject.

"_Kenny? Double gag,"_ Asuka felt ready to wretch. "How did that happen?"

"Shinji got him on here a while back," Rei explain, her eyes shining brightly, "He and Hyuga get into hacking contests, which really drives Misato insane sometime, especially when the Magi greet her as 'cutie pie'" Rei giggled a bit at the thought of the Commander of NERV screaming at the computer terminal in her office. "However, no one has been able to hack into the mainframe since he started."

"We're going out to dinner, then we plan on swinging by to see Shinji," Kensuke added, "Have you been yet?"

"No, not yet," Asuka replied sadly, "I had to see some others first."

"We're going now, remember what I told you, Asuka. You know what you have to do," Rei said as she and Kensuke turned and started to walk out of the bays.

"Wow! Asuka's back!" Kensuke said as they walked away, "Did you do what you said you were going to do?"

"Yes, twice." Rei replied.

"And you survived?! Whoa! I knew I loved you for some reason!" he said as the two of them laughed on their way out. "Say, have you heard the test results yet?"

"Hush! Not yet," Rei replied as they turned the corner and left Asuka's sight.

"_Rei showing emotions? Dating?? Kensuke??!! Gott, could this day get any weirder?"_ Asuka wondered as she, too, left the EVA bays.

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Room 303

Asuka stood before the door and had to fight the urge to run and hide. The room before her held so many bad memories for her and those whom she loved. She started fussing a bit about her appearance, wanting to look her best for him. She felt silly about it after a second or two, seeing how he would probably not be able to see her any time soon.

"_Still, I want to be the first thing he sees when he wakes up,"_ she thought to herself, "_ and I want to make a good impression!"_ She giggled a bit at the thought, which helped to steel her nerves enough so that she was able to open the door and go inside.

Asuka didn't really know what to expect when she first saw Shinji laying there. The lights were dim, so she had to step in further and get closer to the bed to see him well. She gasped in surprise at his condition. Gone was the softness his face had held when last she had seen him. This face was hard, pale, and gaunt, as if he hadn't properly rested or eaten in months.

"_That may well be the case,_" she mused as her heart went out to the young man who held her heart in a tighter grip than that of a battle enraged EVA. Stubble had formed on his face, and his chestnut brown hair was much longer now than it ever had been before. It looked as if Shinji had just given up trying to live life. He looked as if he just existed, period. According to everyone she had spoken to, the only time any life showed on his face was when he went to battle, either with his fists or his weapon of mass destruction.

"_According to Misato, it's like he and Rei had switched personalities of a sort,"_ she remembered back to the Commander's briefing,_ "He even gets into fights at school, over me. He tries to prove he's worthy of my love, but I'm the one who's not worthy."_

Reaching over and gently caressing his face, tears once more threatened to cloud her vision. Asuka brushed some stray hair from Shinji's face, astounded at how long it had become. It hadn't looked that long in the battleROM footage. In fact, it had actually looked shorter than normal in the footage.

"Hey, Shinji," she said softly, as if she feared to disturb him, "Shinji, it's me. Asuka. Shinji, please wake up!" Asuka sighed sadly as she looked down at his passive face. She had thought she had seen some sort of movement when she said who she was, but that may have been wishful thinking on her part.

"I…uh…came back when I heard what happened to you," Asuka told him as she fought to hold herself together. She had sworn to herself when she was a child that she would never cry again, and that she didn't need anyone. Yet, here she was, having cried more in the past couple of days than she ever had her entire life. Worse still, she needed the young man that lay in the bed. She needed to talk to him, to be held by him, to be kissed and loved by him. She needed to tell him how she really felt, and apologize for breaking his heart.

"I missed you, Shinji, even though I told myself twenty times a day that I didn't," she continued as she held herself, looking down at the floor, with just a hint of bitterness tingeing her voice. "I'd be talking to someone, or working on some project, and suddenly you would pop up in my head. It was really a pain, sometimes."

Asuka sat down in the chair next to his bed and gently reached over and took his hand, as if it was made of fragile porcelain. She felt it twitch ever so slightly, which caused her heart to rush with hope. "I don't know if you heard or not, but about a year after I got back to Germany, I got my doctorate in Cybernetics. With all the knowledge I got from working with the EVA's and a little help from Doctor Akagi, it took me no time at all. After all, I _am_ a genius." Once more, she felt a little squeeze. Asuka was about ready to leap out of her chair with happiness.

"Come on, Shinji," she encouraged him, "you can do it! Wake up Shinji!" The young pilot still slept though, as Asuka sat back in the chair and sighed.

"You always were a pain, you know?" she started giggling just a bit. "There I was, sitting before the board, defending my doctorate dissertation when…WHAM! There you were, in my head again! I was suddenly remembering our last White Day together, and I guess I spaced out for a second. The head of the board had to bring me back to reality. I could have lost my chance for my doctorate because of you! And don't you dare say you're sorry!" she said, still giggling as she felt the twitch again.

"If you do, I'll kick your scrawny butt! Well, you're not all that scrawny anymore," Asuka added approvingly, noticing his well defined physique even though it was hidden beneath the hospital gown and sheets. The skinny arms had been replaced with corded steel, and even his shoulders had broadened out quite a bit. She reached down and picked up his hand once more, and noticed that the knuckles were much more calloused than in the past, and though he still had the long fingers that had served him so well as a cello player, they now were covered with a very fine network of scars.

Abruptly, she stood up and started pacing about, "Oh, I hate this! You know I have no patience for this kind of stuff! I want you to wake up now, Shinji! I even got all dressed up for you, just like you liked! The least you could do is wake up and talk to me! Shinji, please wake up!!" Asuka pleaded as she stood beside his bed and laid her hand upon his chest.

She noticed a small white scar sticking out some from under Shinji's gown, starting about halfway across his left collar bone. Asuka reached out and touched it, wishing that she could have been there whenever that happened and take the pain away. She gasped as she realized that it wasn't a small scar at all. Asuka traced the scar from his collarbone, across his chest diagonally, and ending just below his ribcage on the other side.

"Ach mein Gott!" she exclaimed, "What, what happened?!" Reaching down, she pulled his gown free and stared at the ugly scar across his chest. She didn't even stop to think how this might look to anyone walking by. Her eyes were locked on the wide, ugly, jagged blemish on Shinji's otherwise smooth, yet muscular chest. He had indeed grown since she had seen him last.

"Doctor Soryu?" a familiar voice called out from the doorway, "I was wondering when you were going to show up! I take it Misato finally got a hold of you."

"Doctor Akagi," Asuka greeted the blonde woman as she walked over and held the door open for her, "how are you?"

"Fine, thanks," Akagi replied as she wheeled herself into Shinji's room. Asuka's eyes saddened a bit at the thought of her mentor being stuck in that chair for the rest of her life. Her and Touji's injuries were two of the reasons she went into cybernetics. Gendo Ikari's bullet had done it's job too well, but not the one he had intended. The bullet had completely severed Ritsuko's spinal cord, and Asuka had as of yet not come up with a way to repair it.

"Is there any change in Shinji's condition?" Asuka asked hopefully as she watched Ritsuko study Shinji's chart.

"Not much, I'm afraid," the older woman replied as she replaced the chart and started typing furiously into the laptop computer attached to her wheelchair. "It show's massive mental activity, but no physical response."

"Uh, well, he did move his hand a little, a few minutes ago when I was talking to him," Asuka said softly, "isn't that a sign of improvement?"

Akagi raised one eyebrow in surprise, then dropped it a second later. "Probably not, Asuka. Sometime, people in a state like Shinji's will involuntarily twitch. Muscle spasms, plain and simple."

"Oh," Asuka whispered, a bit crestfallen. Akagi was kind of taken aback by the look on the young woman's face. After all, Shinji was the reason she had left Japan.

"You really should go now, Asuka. Visiting hours will be over soon. Have you gotten yourself a nice hotel room?" Akagi asked, trying to get Asuka's mind off of the stricken pilot. Even though Shinji was nothing like his father, she really didn't want the younger woman to have anything to do with any Ikari.

"I'm, I'm going to stay a while longer, Ritsuko," Asuka replied as she looked once more at the fallen young man on the bed. "I'll get a room later."

"Alright, Asuka," Akagi sighed, knowing her worries were confirmed. Asuka still had a thing for Shinji. "I'll let the doctors know what you said about Shinji."

"Thanks, Ritsuko," the redhead replied as she went and once more held the door for Akagi. "Oh! Wait a second! Can you tell me what happened to Shinji's chest? That is one hell of a scar he has!"

"Well, what do you think Asuka?" Akagi replied in a mocking tone, "The Invincible Shinji Ikari got in in battle, saving all of us little people from big bad monsters! Good old Shinji, our own superhero!" The sneer in her voice was unmistakable.

"Doctor Akagi! How can you say things like that?!" Asuka growled through gritted teeth, the anger threatening to burst through at any second.

"Easily, Doctor Soryu," Akagi replied as she started wheeling herself down the hall, "you used to say things like that all the time!"

"I…er…grrr…humph!" Asuka fumed as the blonde scientist wheeled herself away. Crossing her arms and leaning against the doorway facing Shinji, she had to admit Akagi was right. She had been horrible to Shinji at first, but it was her jealousy talking at the time. Later, when she realized she needed him, she got so much worse. She had always told herself that she didn't need anyone, and now that she_ knew_ she needed Shinji Ikari, she lashed out at him angrily. She pushed him away.

He never left her, though. He was always there, helping her whether she wanted it or not. He helped her in her first battle, and pulled her from certain death in her first solo outing in the volcano. He came back and saved her at great personal cost when her EVA was dismembered. The only time he failed her was during the attack of the Fifteenth Angel, but she later learned that he had no choice.

She had treated him so horribly after that. Shinji was the one who helped her after Kaji's death, even if he felt like he was her second choice in all things. He was there when she woke up, and he was there to help her heal her mental, emotional, and physical wounds. He was there to hold her after the nightmares, and he was there when she had her accident. She glanced down at the white scar that crossed over her left wrist.

More importantly, he was there to love her, no matter her faults, and she repaid him by leaving. She couldn't push him away, so her own fears drove her off. _"Never again,"_ she promised herself,_ "he deserves so much more!"_

Sighing softly, Asuka went back to the chair and sat once more by the young man who held the keys to her heart. She reached over, took his hand, and gently laid her head on his shoulder. The stress of the past couple of days finally took it's toll as her eyes grew heavy and gently closed. She drifted into a fitful sleep, as her mind drifted off to the past.

End of Chapter Two.


End file.
